writing is believing, believing is giving it life, giving it life is putting energy into it, putting energy into it is putting time into it, putting time into it is giving it the possibility to happen, giving it the possibility is risking the opposite to also happen, and risking the opposite to happen is scary. i will not write about you.

i wish i knew my mother. for a long time i thought that maybe if i spend more time with her i’d understand her more but i don’t. i wish i knew my mother when she was young. …

Of all the centuries we could’ve been born in, of all of the life paths they could’ve taken, and of all of the people I could’ve stumbled upon, the universe decided to bring them to me and me to them. It was in the spring of 2018, right in the…

aku ingin bisa cepat berucap mengenai separuh jiwaku yang hilang; aku ingin bisa cepat berteriak mengenai api-api yang menyelimutiku; hangat, hangat, hangat, terbakar, terbakar, padam, hangus. hilang? hangus. saat ini belum hangus. saat ini terbakar; terbakar KERAS menyelimutiku. bakar menerus, bakar berlanjut, bakar memadamkan, padam menghanguskan, hangus menghilangkan. aku tidak ingin kita padam; aku tidak ingin kita hangus.

di semua cerita-cerita yang susah dibagi, di tangis sendu setiap pukul dua pagi, dan di susahnya tidur yang ditemani oleh kopi, semoga kita terus punya alasan untuk mau bangun di hari esok nanti. selamat hari kesehatan mental, teman-teman, tidak egois kalau yang kita mau cuma tenang dan senang setiap hari. nanti kita cerita tentang hari ini, besok kita buat yang lebih baik lagi :)

i have always found it absurd how people can romantically fall in love with someone they barely know. yes, by this, i mean romantically, not in the parasocial way you love a celebrity or the filial way you love a deceased parent. how does one do it? you don’t know them. you…

she sits in silence, the faint sound of the song she’s listening to fills the dimly lit room with calmness. “i don’t need fixing,” she says, with a quivering voice, not being able to look at other people in the eyes. yet, her eyes are red from all the pot…

tepat 4 tahun yang lalu, tanggal 8 juni 2018, aku dan kamu mulai menjalin pertemanan, dan menulis kisah bersama. pada tahun pertama, aku baru mulai meraba-raba masa depan hubungan ini, dan kemana perasaanku akan menuju. seringkali kupikir, “ah, santailah. ini pasti hanya sebentar saja, kok!” tetapi nyatanya, setiap hari kamu…

january 31, 2018 “the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” the girl looked at the boy as she pointed to the big, blood-red dot in the sky. with hopeful eyes, she prayed that the boy sitting next to her would understand what she meant. the boy nodded in agreement and smiled…